2 + 5 = 7

About #1

So, I've been asked in a couple places what my "secret" is for Lesson #1 from my last post. In it, I wrote:

"You know those guys who are arrogant, condescending, hyper-argumentative, and a little bit sexist to boot? Of course you do - academia has its share. This is the same type of male student who challenges female instructors' authority. Anyway, apparently I really am good at dealing with them. Although I have to admit that I feel a bit icky when I see them giving me respect while treating others like #%#$(%(#@. I really wish I didn't have to be good at dealing with these jerks."

The thing is, I'm still trying to figure. That is, I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I'm doing that works. I suspect it's a different combination of factors that have worked with each one.

Here's what I know.

I'm pretty good at being calm and firm, not letting them see that they get to me, not giving them a weakness to prey upon. They're like dogs who sense fear on a person. They really are. The second they sense a weakness, they will take advantage of it. For example, I've had a male student try to invade my personal space and try to literally back me into a corner. Thing is, I didn't back up. I stood my ground and looked him straight in the eye. I'm 5' 5 1/2", which is about average and he was definitely taller, but height doesn't really intimidate me. I guess that comes from being the shortest in my family by 3 inches. My brother is a foot taller than I am. The guy tried it on one other occasion and then gave up. However, my actions in that instance could be construed as aggressive, I suppose.

Anyway, I've had a couple out there students in the past, at least one of whom had some untreated psych issues. I guess my mom's (the former social worker) advice about dealing with abusive personalities stuck with me. A lot of that involves remaining calm (or at least have the appearance of calm), keeping the voice steady and firm. Raising volume or pitch can work against you. [It's probably telling that my mother didn't raise her voice when she corrected us when we were kids. Instead, she spoke more quietly, forcing us to lean in and pay attention.] Keeping aware of posture can help, too.

I know that my language tends to be more formal and more polite (but not obsequious) in these situations. Follow through is important, too. If I say that "x" will be a consequence for "y," I absolutely have to stick with it. Even if inside I want to be nice, it must be done.

The reason this came up in the last post, was because I just went through this in an online situation. Apparently, I'm decent in dealing with these guys online, through writing, too. Somehow, towards the end of a thread (about Shakespeare, no less), I was the only one he was treating with any respect. What happened? I didn't react to his outbursts and hyperbole. I didn't respond to his comments using the abusive tone he inflicted on others. I was calm and almost coldly logical with him and actually was able to get him to address the point of the original post, which he hadn't done in the beginning as he was too busy slamming everyone else's comments.

I did feel icky after this. He actually started addressing serious, on-topic comments to me while dismissing other people's valid points - even when I reiterated and supported those people's points. So yeah, he treated me like a human being, but he was still being a jerk to everyone else. Not a total win, but it made me think about this issue and a few "special" students I've encountered in the past.

As a side note, I'm also pretty good at breaking down their arguments logically, which doesn't hurt. As far as those academic guys like this are concerned, it almost disgusts me how many of them treat me like "one of them" because one of my reading areas was critical theory. Bleh! This happened with a number of my fellow grad students who also happen to be male. These are the same guys who are impressed by the fact that I've read Kant and a few other Dead Germans in German, never mind that I have a degree in the language. Even so, most professional translators have surely done a better job with these texts than I have.

Other than that, I'm not sure what the answer is. Maybe I'm oblivious to some things that are going on. Maybe I just don't care enough to let it bother me. Well, that's not true. It's probably more accurate to say that I have little-to-no problem confronting the jerks because I refuse to play their deranged reindeer games. I can be a little hard-headed about things like that. If nothing else, I am stubborn.

I was just thinking that all of these lessons about being calm, firm, and in control were also part of learning to work with the horses we had when I was growing up. Maybe working with large, powerful animals helped me learn how to physically and vocally present myself in these situations. Hmmmmmm.....something to think about.

Things I Learned This Week

1) You know those guys who are arrogant, condescending, hyper-argumentative, and a little bit sexist to boot? Of course you do - academia has its share. This is the same type of male student who challenges female instructors' authority. Anyway, apparently I really am good at dealing with them. Although I have to admit that I feel a bit icky when I see them giving me respect while treating others like #%#$(%(#@. I really wish I didn't have to be good at dealing with these jerks.

2) The local butcher carries hamburger patties that include ground bacon and chunks of cheddar cheese. I might have to sample one of these.

3) The pumice stone I use on my feet can also be used to remove RustOleum's Satin Strawflower spray paint from my skin (with the help of a little soap and water, of course).


4) I do not care if there is spray paint on the asphalt.

5) I shouldn't be allowed to go to the nursery for any reason. I went and I bought another tomato plant. I'm up to 4 now. That's 4 tomato plants, 1 me. Each one is a different variety. The new one is an Amish Paste tomato.

6) I have "tagger's finger."

7) The fact that my mom refers to Plum as "the juvenile delinquent" is not without cause.

What I Did For Mother's Day

I baked, of course!

Individual strawberry shortcakes are one of my favorite desserts to make. As you can see, I'm a fan of the biscuit variety (although the spongecake type is ok, too). What's really nice, is that it's easy to cut the biscuits smaller and make cute desserts for those who want smaller portions. I made fairly large biscuits this time and cut them out with a knife, but I've used all sorts and sizes of biscuit cutters in the past. They're also great if you want to get kids involved with the process, whether it be the baking, preparing the strawberries, or assembling the final product.

And then there's the most important part - they are delicious!!

A Perfect Example of Chewie's Mental "Problems"

The dog is crazy. Just plain crazy.




And this is his normal behavior.

One Day I'll Learn

I took the afternoon off (in terms of academic stuff) and planted everything that needed to be planted (that I hadn't yet planted - I did a little the other day). This is a good thing. Here are some of the results. There are more.




Anyway, there was a point before I finished when I knew I should stop. I had been out in the sun long enough. But no, I didn't stop. I wanted to finish this so I wouldn't have to play in the dirt again. As a result, I have a light burn. I knew better, I knew what would happen, and I stayed out anyway. I suppose it could have been worse (like, if I hadn't worn sunscreen to begin with). So, I took some ibuprofen, took a cool shower, and moisturized. Hopefully the pink will fade soon. I'm also a bit sore from lifting bags of dirt and moving filled planters to their proper location. I am such a wimp.